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Changing Chapters Entry on: May. 22, 2004, at 04:44 am |
363 days ago, I ran away from home.
I packed my bags, said my goodbyes, and went with my good friend Jess to the train station to go out and experience the world. The chapter in my live involving the classes towards my Computer Science degree, dating Carrie, living in constant anxiety over school, and being a dependant boy in a famiar environment closed.
A lot has happend over the last year; and during that time I found a new life, and I fell for a new girl, a new country, and a new way of living. My new reality was reflected in a new virtual reality, as Jakeoism was born to be my writing outlet and IThinkImACoolGuy was born to be my connection to back home during the time I was gone.
I was walking home from Kalmar this morning at 3am, but something was different- the sun had been steadily rising for the last 2 hours, the birds have been chirping for a while now, and for the first time I didn't need a jacket to be warm. Things are definately changing around me.
I'm going to miss working late nights at kalmar, and clubbing and parties and sexas. I'm going to miss going down to the cafe and eating studenskas or truffles with Linda and Anders. I already miss hopping the train to stockholm to pick up Kt, or hopping another night train to visit her in Paris. I'll miss the crazy regulars like Bernard and Magnus KM and the klubverk and everyone else- and really a lot I'll miss emilia, catta, jocke, jerker, roger, vanda and helena. And magnus and hanna. Words can't describe how i'll miss them. Another chapter in my life is coming to a close.
It seems fitting to me now, as I have intended to since the beginning, to also call it a day for Jakeoism and Ithinkimacoolguy. (homestar runner isn't even so funny anymore). Not to say that I'm done writing online or using AIM, i don't think that day will ever come. But i'm done with these personalities, and when the future brings what it will bring, it will be clear who I'll pop up as again.
My best friend won't be home when I return. I guess that is hitting me quite hard now. Really hard. And kt won't be there, and my yavafriends will have graduated and moved on, and my dorm friends will be out on their own in houses, and jess will be leaving, dave will be gone. There won't be any schedule of classes back home waiting to be taken, there isn't some new exciting job oppertunity lined up, and maybe most stunningly the amazingness which is sweden won't be around when I get back. I'm not really sure why I'm coming back, except that I will have my family, and James and Gerg, which is qutie good.
I'm at an awkward stage now where one chapter is closing, but I'm not really sure the next one is quite ready to begin. I'm so filled with sorrows as I count the days until I fly home with tears, and full of despare knowing I'm returning to a place in my past that did not stand still while I ran away. Not that I should have expected to. But someday soon it will be clear when the next chapter beings, and I have an innate sense that this time around things are going to be great. Not that they weren't before, but they'll be better than before. I just know it.
Peace.
Jake